Windmills of MY mind...

I had talk to blubber again, but as I sat on my PC, I found me changing the music to this song by "Jose Feliciano".. Somehow I feel, I have these windmills in my mind at the moment.. and yet, i have no clue.. .. wish YOU enjoy the music, the words and the enchanting voice of Feliciano..

round
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space

Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that you said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Is the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of a song
Half-remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
You were suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the colour of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

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feeling liking it today :) .. *Enjoy*

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.

Feelings, feelings
Like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never
Have you again in my heart.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.


Feelings...

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Blubbering out

Sometimes I think who to choose, someone who cares for you too much but you care for a little; or someone who cares a little but you care for too much?!
What a misery, sometimes I feel..

The day before today was super cool *the assessment center*, I made neat new friends from collage.. *actually I am making new friends these days like I never did before :S .. masha2 ALLAH* . Today as well was nice. I dropped a lecture to watch the conference’s audition, and though I didn’t catch it still *they were very late*, but I enjoyed my time having some good laughs with wonderful people. A pity they’ll graduate next year, may God bless them. :)

I was OK, most of the time, though visited by the above thought from time to time so I’d be absent minded sailing to far far away land. Could be the never land, and could be the place I’ve made to resort whenever I feel I want to leave the crowds.

However, nice time always flies, except for 3 things that really made me feel un-comfortable. I need to feel more confident. I need to believe I can make it myself, I am good –if not best-.. umm, why do I feel I’D never be the one!

It was a horrible feeling that I might lose something I posses because I am lower than someone else, while actually I know I am not, at least in other points!
Do I make any sense?!
Suddenly the lights went dim!
My feeling of possession! One big black dot I have.. and though I do not show, but I know deep down how hurted I feel when someone shares something so.. SO dear to my heart.. even if it’s a smile I reckon its mine.. even if it’s a laugh I know I was addressed with… even if, even if it was a hello I was waiting for day long :) ..

As if my misery is between 2 options, what I want and what I can get.. what I like and what I might like.. and the quest goes so on, so forth..

The 2^nd thing was when this stupid person started to make fun of me. Actually he wasn’t making fun of me, but was trying to be funny in a stupid way that pissed me off! None the less, the 3^rd thing was when I remembered.. “ah well, I got my mid-term exam tomorrow so I’d better leave the place and runnnn to continue my studies”
*no need to mention, I have to run now as well :S *

Tomorrow is the opening of the conference AT LAST! And all the memories I had through out the previous 7 month or so suddenly flashing in front of my eyes. Our 1^st meeting, our training days, mecca center, alaa’s laptop, photoshop, GMs, days in collage, the booth, the welcome, the flyers and banners, the poster I took from the college’s walls, the dropped lectures, the night chit chats, the life time friends I had, the new comers into my life, and the ones I strengthened my relation with though we’ve been there for some time..

As if, after all those months of work, we can finally lay down to sleep. We can finally have peace within. No need for the rush to get some signs from this or that. No need for waking up till very late doing an un-finished task. No need for fights and No need for broken hearts.

Saying “bye bye” to ACES 2006 .. with some tears covering joy, excitement and anxiety for the 3 coming days.
So hard to have someone dear going to leave, but much harder to see him leaving already …

Sometimes I re-think about my thought.. Sometimes I thank God, I have options to choose between still, although others got nothing to have.

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Thank U Bibo for the song :)

An Innocent man -- Billy Joel
Some people stay far away from the door
If there’s a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by
Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie
I know you’re only protecting yourself
I know you’re thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I’m not above
Making up for the love
You’ve been denying you could ever feel
I’m not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I’m only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before
Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it’s easier to hate
Than to wait anymore
I know you don’t want to hear what I say
I know you’re gonna keep turning away
But I’ve been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I’m not above going through it again
I’ve not above being cool for a while
If you’re cruel to me I’ll understand
Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you’d rather be a martyr tonight
That’s your decision
But I’m not below
Anybody I know
If there’s a chance of resurrecting a love
I’m not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began
Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I’m not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

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Feeling extremely low..

After yesterday’s talk with Bibo, I felt how ugly and un-fair life might be. I needed a 5 minuets confrontation with myself to discover I am fooling myself intentionally, then runny away in the same sequence waiting for the same fairy tale!

I never learn, and guess I won’t!!

The dream looks so beautiful from far away.. and even more beautiful from inside.. feeling extremely happy, may be walking on clouds, and may be wandering in a place never existed yet… knowing that someone out there…. mm

but then you’ll have to wake up as soon as you log off, because simply it was only a vision of a fake wish you prayed for, from all of your heart to be true,, but sadly it wasn’t and it will not..

So you end up stuck between what you wish for and what you have! Torn between what you want and what you should do!

Do I make sense..? does anyone listen..? does anyone understand?.. I wish not..

For eventually I know I’ll leave this to welcome my very own self again between the very same empty corners of my empty room. Having the same deadly thoughts spinning in my head. Hurting my heart sometimes, and cracking my soul the other times.. yet, the clock won’t stop ticking.. and the circle would never end..

May we have peace sometime.. may we reach where we wish..

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Today's wisdom

Dedicated especially to some friends, I owe them alot :)

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