Feliz Cumpleanos..

I remember when my friend Mr. DXer used to say "I'm 35 but 18 at heart", and I used to reply back "I'm 18, but 62 at heart". The 62 was just a joke back then, yet grown to live with me.
Today, I hit my 22. Only 40 steps left for the 62, am I ready?! Aslan will I ever reach my 62?!

UH! Come on! 40 years left?!
Will I ever live 40 more years in here?!
No way..

Last November, I wrote something, and was intending to post it at my birthday. Spontaneous talk doesn't always fit in all situations. Especially that I wished to send my words, as it happens every year to Osama, in his radio program "Late night cartoon". But right now, I don't have any intentions to email him a single letter or publish my pre- written words. Plus I absolutly have nothing in mind to talk about, in the 1st place..

21 years, what will I miss?
Hmm, not much. I don't imagine a dramatic change in the next year. Except for, the people surrounding me. This year isA I will graduate, no longer a student in school or college. Don't know about post graduate studies yet. May be yes, may be no. I got a good job offer recently by the way, so may be I'd give the interview a try then decide later on. May be I get married, and may be not. May be I'll travel or migrate, and may be not.
But in all cases, the people I have around now will always be missed.

+1, what to wish for?
I nearly got nothing to wish for; actually I am not waiting for anything. No one buys me presents since many years, my parents normally forget I have a birthday and frankly not even waiting for a cake! But Excuse me, I have one thing in mind that never changed all through my previous years.
Tell me, How many times you regretted not telling someone, something, a little something, before s/he goes away? And how many times you wondered, (at least, I wondered) who'll feel sad for me going away? Who loves me true and who not? Who regards me as an ultimate necessarily precious gift in his/her life, and who doesn't really care?!
So, what if I die tomorrow, that can be true, very true, who'll be that someone and what's the something?

+1 min, ready? Steady..?!.. what will I go for?!
Let alone, I have to behave and go study.. my exam is in 2 days!
Ya, I know, I'm not the resolutions type of girls. But tell you, I'll go for making memories. Lots of memories. Lots and lots of them. Everywhere I go, every person I chit-chat, exchang a smile, share an opinion with. I don't know how to start. But every little moment passing me by, I wish to keep it safe till I am old and gray. When its another cold winter night like tonight, 11st of January some year ahead, sitting around the heater with my grannys around, using my faint weary voice telling them stories, my stories. And a sudden big wide smile covers my face, for me remembering the days :)


Happy Birthday Dear Blue.. And May You Always Remain the Blue, The One And Only Blue You Wish For You..


PS: The above photo is mine. I took the shot on the 9th of January, using the Pastel filter in the camera's options. Then the framing and signature "On My Own..." by photoshop CS2.

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To that someone..

I began to grow weary...
You have something, then you are fed up with it. You leave something, then you miss it. You decide something, then you regret it.
And in the middle you choose to wait all together. Mostly, you choose it the hard way out. Torturing oneself on purpose, trying to convince yourself everything is so beautiful, waiting for your magical brush, to color it your own way. You try to believe in fairy tales, and think peace might prevail. You tell yourself, "Probably it's not green on the other side, its greener yet. And Tomorrow is but a new day, and the best is yet to come."
You sip hope with your every tea cup, and wait for that someone who'd tell you s/he understood it all, and got what you really meant..

"Dare to dream," you repeat it in your morning while gazing at your mirror but you always forget to whisper "dare to live". Or may be, you didn't really forget..

I was never confused about a thing, as much as I am with life, and its abstracts you pass by on daily bases. No, with every living step!
Life, living, death, happiness, sadness, friendship, love, betrayal, knowledge, universe, us, being, freedom, illusive limits, destiny.. and the list is still too long. Tell me what are these, and what is life? Is it a breath we breathe then its gone?
Yet Tell me 1st, why to ask "why to live?"..

We are born sometime ago, walk into the same route others used for long. Then you find, alas, the big yellowish, gray sign "the end". Sometimes you dream of another, a whole new road, never been tapped by a previous being, to mark a discovery, or prove infinity. However, the commen funny thing in those stories, the sign is the very same, fate that is. May be at times you didn't expect, and may be long after you've visualized the moment hundred times ahead.

True and cruel life is sometimes. Especially when you find those people, dear people, you can't lie in front. You tell them, "I am ok", and they believe you not. They give you the bitter truth on a golden plat, demanding you to accept.
I am one of those who wishes to be lied at. Lie to me, when you know its going to hurt. Lie to me when you know I won't feel ok afterwards. Lie to me and let me really believe tomorrow is a new day, and the best is yet to come. Add me sugar, lots of sugar to my morning coffee, let me dare to dream for real and dare to live. Let me believe faries will choose me out of the billions living to do me magic, and that tomorrow I'll watch my reflections smiling over the ocean, dancing my tango dance though.. Though, I've never met the ocean, or learnt a single move or step.

Me, beautiful. Me loves me. Me proud of me. Me .. Me hates me sometimes. Sometimes and sometimes a lot.

"Don't worry," I tell you and myself. The storm will soon go calm, the windmills' rage will quit, and lights will all go quitly dim. A moment of scilent will seperate me and the next moment when I'd find me left again with those stupid questions in my head.
"why all that?" and a big *full stop*..


"Sonnet of the woods" by "Yuhki Kuramoto", really tells..


PS: The above image is originally not mine. However, I signed with "On My Own..." for the framing and special effects on photoshop CS2.

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Collisions in Cyber space..

What’s the secret in hitting the “downloads” button whenever I visit any website. And the more free downloads I find, the more I love the place and bookmark it in most cases..!

*****

Collisions in cyber space.. you talk to somebody and discover s/he’s not male/female as you thought! Myself, I’ve been called a male many times. Might be for the pre-drawn imagine baby blue and baby pink ..
And in most cases you don’t know wither to apologize if it wasn’t an intended mistake. Or just leave it to time wash it away..

*****

It's very VERY cold yesterday and today... Don't know how would I go out during Eid days.. Looks like i'll be tortured by real hell these days.
Looking as panda in an un-comfy days for me...

*****

My inbox got greetings from people I know nothing about! New year.. feast.. etc. Some names are familiar from my college.. but how they got my email in the 1st place?!
And as expected, no matter how I tried to hold myself.. I replied them one by one…

*****

Guess I’ll choose option 2, and leave time wash it away.
Hmm.. it wasn’t on purpose after all… :)


TADA.. Leave ya to walk in the winter wonderland.. Where the green grass grows…
Sorry, Off to my desk I mean :P ..

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This year's question..

As the new year rushing forward... I wonder how many people were blocked then deleted from my life, and how many left, and when and where will I decide I need them no more?!

Any Clue?!

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Show time: La Finestra di Fronte

I saw the movie yesterday in a hurry. There was a rush of phone calls, due few phone calls with some people keda, in addition to my lack of concentration due my latest in the graduation project issue and last but not least few phone calls with my mother’s friend.

Whatever the reasons are, I can tell you explicitly “La Finestra di Fronte” is a worth watch movie!
Yuppsi..
Look, the story might be over used. Fate playing with our lives, and us torn between choices, dreams, commitment and sacrifice.
At a time I felt the old man is “fate” or “destiny” talking to the protagonist (Giovanna) and her neighbor (Lorenzo). And it might be true. You know, you might be wandering in a street some where then you discover your life turned upside down after. Or you might meet someone sometime and discover later, this coincidence was meant for a life time. There you know after fate was in that place or that person.
And so, I loved it for that spinning thought.. “where fate lies?!”

Forget about the average ending, however, you WILL find yourself diving into the movie scenes. The emotional perspective in the movie is very rich. The director is more than fantastic! The cast awesome especially the old man (Simone) he is excellent. I felt passion with his every word and twist.

Mm, I was never a movie critique.. so I don’t have much to say but “I loved the movie, especially the background music was fabulous”..


Before I go, I wish to thank Film69, if it weren’t for his blog I won’t have known such a movie.
And last but not least, you might read this review I passed by chance… and guess I 2nd it all..

Cheers and good luck

UPDATES:
The theme song: Gocce di Memoria
The theme OST: L'Amore perduto - Il pensiero de Te
Another review: Facing windows

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Your Thought and Mine

By Gibran

Your thought is a tree rooted deep in the soil of tradition and whose branches grow in the power of continuity. My thought is a cloud moving in the space. It turns into drops which, as they fall, form a brook that sings its way into the sea. Then it rises as vapour into the sky. Your thought is a fortress that neither gale nor the lightning can shake. My thought is a tender leaf that sways in every direction and finds pleasure in its swaying. Your thought is an ancient dogma that cannot change you nor can you change it. My thought is new, and it tests me and I test it morn and eve.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought allows you to believe in the unequal contest of the strong against the weak, and in the tricking of the simple by the subtle ones. My thought creates in me the desire to till the earth with my hoe, and harvest the crops with my sickle, and build my home with stones and mortar, and weave my raiment with woollen and linen threads. Your thought urges you to marry wealth and notability. Mine commends self-reliance. Your thought advocates fame and show. Mine counsels me and implores me to cast aside notoriety and treat it like a grain of sand cast upon the shore of eternity. Your thought instils in your heart arrogance and superiority. Mine plants within me love for peace and the desire for independence. Your thought begets dreams of palaces with furniture of sandalwood studded with jewels, and beds made of twisted silk threads. My thought speaks softly in my ears, “Be clean in body and spirit even if you have nowhere to lay your head.” Your thought makes you aspire to titles and offices. Mine exhorts me to humble service.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought is social science, a religious and political dictionary. Mine is simple axiom. Your thought speaks of the beautiful woman, the ugly, the virtuous, the prostitute, the intelligent, and the stupid. Mine sees in every woman a mother, a sister, or a daughter of every man. The subjects of your thought are thieves, criminals, and assassins. Mine declares that thieves are the creatures of monopoly, criminals are the offspring of tyrants, and assassins are akin to the slain. Your thought describes laws, courts, judges, punishments. Mine explains that when man makes a law, he either violates it or obeys it. If there is a basic law, we are all one before it. He who disdains the mean is himself mean. He who vaunts his scorn of the sinful vaunts his disdain of all humanity. Your thought concerns the skilled, the artist, the intellectual, the philosopher, the priest. Mine speaks of the loving and the affectionate, the sincere, the honest, the forthright, the kindly, and the martyr. Your thought advocates Judaism, Brahmanism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam. In my thought there is only one universal religion, whose varied paths are but the fingers of the loving hand of the Supreme Being. In your thought there are the rich, the poor, and the beggared. My thought holds that there are no riches but life; that we are all beggars, and no benefactor exists save life herself.

You have your thought and I have mine.

According to your thought, the greatness of nations lies in their politics, their parties, their conferences, their alliances and treaties. But mine proclaims that the importance of nations lies in work – work in the field, work in the vineyards, work with the loom, work in the tannery, work in the quarry, work in the timberyard, work in the office and in the press. Your thought holds that the glory of the nations is in their heroes. It sings the praises of Rameses, Alexander, Caesar, Hannibal, and Napoleon. But mine claims that the real heroes are Confucius, Lao-Tse, Socrates, Plato, Abi Taleb, El Gazali, Jalal Ed-din-el Roumy, Copernicus, and Pasteur. Your thought sees power in armies, cannons, battleships, submarines, aeroplanes, and poison gas. But mine asserts that power lies in reason, resolution, and truth. No matter how long the tyrant endures, he will be the loser at the end. Your thought differentiates between pragmatist and idealist, between the part and the whole, between the mystic and materialist. Mine realizes that life is one and its weights, measures and tables do not coincide with your weights, measures and tables. He whom you suppose an idealist may be a practical man.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought is interested in ruins and museums, mummies and petrified objects. But mine hovers in the ever-renewed haze and clouds. Your thought is enthroned on skulls. Since you take pride in it, you glorify it too. My thought wanders in the obscure and distant valleys. Your thought trumpets while you dance. Mine prefers the anguish of death to your music and dancing. Your thought is the thought of gossip and false pleasure. Mine is the thought of him who is lost in his own country, of the alien in his own nation, of the solitary among his kinfolk and friends.

You have your thought and I have mine.

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Kate & Leopold

Just finished the movie "Kate & Leopold" on MBC2.. and tell U, Loved the conversations to the max. (btw: its yet another, a must 2nd watch on my list for convo.s NOT the plot )
here are some of my favorite quotes from the part i managed to watch..


Kate: I'm not very good with men.
Leopold: Perhaps you haven't found the right one.
Kate: Maybe. Or, uh... maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.

******

Stuart: It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.
Gretchen: I believe you.

*******

Kate: And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!

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Ne me quite pas

I can't stop that song form my play list.. And once I saw this video..
I can't but raise my hat and shut up..

I JUST LOVE HIM SINGING IT

PS: you can always listen to "Jaques Brel" singing it on my side bar...

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Il faut oublier
Tout peut s'oublier
Qui s'enfuit déjà
Oublier le temps
Des malentendus
Et le temps perdu
A savoir comment
Oublier ces heures
Qui tuaient parfois
A coups de pourquoi
Le coeur du bonheur

Moi je t'offrirai
Des perles de pluie
Venues de pays
Où il ne pleut pas
Je creuserai la terre
Jusqu'après ma mort
Pour couvrir ton corps
D'or et de lumière
Je ferai un domaine
Où l'amour sera roi
Où l'amour sera loi
Où tu seras reine

Ne me quitte pas
Je t'inventerai
Des mots insensés
Que tu comprendras
Je te parlerai
De ces amants-là
Qui ont vue deux fois
Leurs coeurs s'embraser
Je te raconterai
L'histoire de ce roi
Mort de n'avoir pas
Pu te rencontrer

On a vu souvent
Rejaillir le feu
De l'ancien volcan
Qu'on croyait trop vieux
Il est paraît-il
Des terres brûlées
Donnant plus de blé
Qu'un meilleur avril
Et quand vient le soir
Pour qu'un ciel flamboie
Le rouge et le noir
Ne s'épousent-ils pas

Ne me quitte pas
Je ne vais plus pleurer
Je ne vais plus parler
Je me cacherai là
A te regarder
Danser et sourire
Et à t'écouter
Chanter et puis rire
Laisse-moi devenir
L'ombre de ton ombre
L'ombre de ta main
L'ombre de ton chien

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Astray

Lets eat till our stomach hurt..
Then dance, lets dance till dawn and more..
Lets laugh till wrinkles in faces appear so clear..
Just stand out and cry till our voices fade..
Then go together, hold on together to the next day’s sunset..

The sun will go, the voices fade.. and pleasure all gone..

Today is a day, tomorrow is another..
Today we are here, tomorrow may not..

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Time or after sometime..

If thoughts die,
What you guess of a human being?!

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I do not know..

Past couple of days are some of the worst. But life should go on, and never stops. There should be something you linger to. A dream, a hope, a wish, vacation, going out, a friend’s phone call.. Didn’t I tell you before, we spend most of our life waiting :) ?

Something inside you always wake you up when you go down, something hidden, mysterious.. away from any concrete abstracts. Something tells me I deserve a better life somewhere. And so, I do not like being down. I hate being sad… I hate passing days with continuous news each one is worst than the other.

I say, enough frustrations for the time being. Moemen wrote a post in his blog and I 2nd with every single beat in my heart. And just.. I do not know.. and I do not know when I’d know… I am feeling sad with a heavy heart.

Hours ago I was working on my digital integrated circuits report. One hell of another torture. Never mind the usual list of curses regarding college, people, lecturer.. etc. but here it goes, I opened my English play list and listened. Its been ages haven’t heard a thing.. Arabic took part of my daily life, and so I gave up on English just like how I gave up listening to ELS, gave up DXing, gave up English books, gave up phoning friends..

But wonder why, today while listening to the songs at random, it sounded much prettier than usual. The same play list, same usual rhyme.. but it was sweeter.
Was it that I missed my songs? Or missed myself listening to them? Or just missed any sort of the slightest change in life?

There is always something missing. Something I can’t define. Something I need but can’t find. Can’t know where to start searching or whom to ask.
There are people I need in my life, but when I need them the most, they are lost. Lost in life or the wider space. They are no longer here.. and I keep pitying the moments passing.

Regreting is one of my finest traits.
I try to cut it down, but of no use. You know what, sometimes that inner call tells me never to regret. Just be happy, you are still having the choice to do mistakes.
Would you believe it is so..?!

Hmm, blubbering again and again.. I do not have someone to talk to tonight, while I am in bad need to uncharged..
No, actually there are a lot on my list, but I am appearing offline as usual. Just not in the mood for talking seriously, even though I would dye to call the 1st number on my mobile whoever s/he is.

Sometimes I believe “lasto adri” or “I do not know” is the best title I got for myself after “Blue”.. I am sad without knowing what I want for real or what would turn me high again. I want to be attractive, smart, friendly, cultured, wise… I do not know… other moments I think the best thing I have in life is to keep the people I cherish till forever. But always, forever rushes very fast.

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