Rise my hat and smile..

Just finished yesterday reading the novel “kite runner”. And for the time being, I feel stuck.. and can’t wait till I read “A thousand splendid suns”..

How can words be like that?!

"It was only a smile, nothing more. It didn’t make everything all right. It didn’t make anything all right. Only a smile. A tiny thing. A leaf in the woods, shaking in the wake of a startled bird’s flight.
But I’ll take it. With open arms. Because when spring comes, it melts the snow one flake at a time, and may be I just witnessed the first flake melting.
I ran. A grown man running with a swarm of screaming children. But I didn’t care. I ran with the wind blowing in my face, and a smile as wide as the valley of Panjsher on my lips.
I ran.”

Read more...

Today’s Graduation..

I used to listen to this phrase “what lasts in one’s mind, only the tiny fragile moments. Only the faint perfume of unreality, remains.”.. and believe in it.
Now, I wonder if I do.

Memories have to have something concrete to make me happy. Something I can hold in hands life long and remember. I’m not good in recalling the past. I forget. And there… I always wish to have a box, and pick parts of time. Think of it as a flower you’d pick and put in a book. Then put it back in the box and close safe..
Not a video.. not a photo.. nothing.. only part of time.. you get it out and you live the feeling all over again.

It’s hard. It might be impossible.. but that’s my wish for tonight.. not because I wish to live all over again the day today.. no.. today was like doing a ritual that lost its meaning way long when you forgot when the time to do it right. So I didn’t deeply feel it..
But I wish to live it all over again.. and do what I wished to do, yet wasn’t done..

I feel provoked for the camera that didn’t take a single shot. And I feel provoked for the moments I wish to have.. and alas.

I returned back home with my graduation certificate in my hands, and jingles in my hind of a graduation ceremony I’ve just lived.. but yet.. I don’t feel anything.. may be the severe killing headache I’m having right at the moment. Or may be for postponing the day that long.. or may be.. just a may be.. it didn’t go the way I wished for yesterday… and few days back..

Dear colleagues, you will be all missed.. college life itself will be missed.. memories will be forgotten.. pictures torn.. but one thing is certain.. and I’m sure of.. one thing will always stay with me.. life long.. and thats my special secret of tonight.

Read more...

I am a muslim..

True..

Read more...

WOW!

The Best Advertisement I've ever seen, in Arabic or English :)

Read more...

There is no Spoon..

Morpheus:
You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth.
Do you believe in fate, Neo?

Neo:
No.

Morpheus:
Why not?

Neo:
Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.

Morpheus:
I know exactly what you mean.
Let me tell you why you're here.
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it; you've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....like a splinter in your mind...driving you mad.
It is this feeling that has brought you to me.
Do you know what I'm talking about?

Neo:
The Matrix?

Morpheus:
Do you want to know what...it...is?
The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now...in this very room.
You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television.
You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.
It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes....to blind you from the truth.

Neo:
What truth?

Morpheus:
That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage.
Born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison....for your mind.


From: "The Matrix" part 1

Read more...

1.. 2.. 3 ??

I hold the pen so eager to write, yet as soon as I start writing, everything fades away. The state of mental block has extended so long so far. As if a dark coma. Can’t comprehend letters as before, neither Arabic nor English. Wasting my time more or less in trivialities. Always thinking about somewhere but here.

Tomorrow would be the 1st day at new school year with me sitting at home! It feels extra awkward. Every year I used to enjoy buying new notebooks, pens and pencils the most. Used to go shopping for new cloths, new shoes.. I even miss the feeling of obligation to sleep tonight because tomorrow is a new day, where I’d meet familiar faces; some of them are current friends and others future ones. Now.. I don’t think I’d have the chance to meet new people for so long.

I sound desperate most of the time. Today my cousin kept insisting that something is wrong with me, and when I insisted back that I’m ok.. he hinted about something else.. and if what I got is true then he must be kidding :S … mm.. I don’t know … the whole day was weird.
Starting by the 1st eftar we’d have in my uncle’s house without his wife (God rest her soul in peace).. my 2 cousines got engaged with kids now… and my other cousine is about to get married.. and my cousin himself who was talking earlier got engaged 2 weeks ago…
As if time passed so quickly all of a sudden..

I hate such days when you feel you are living as a call for duty no more. You go visit people because u have to not that you want to. I don’t want to talk to anyone these days..
More than twice I’ve yelled at my mother’s face today.. mm .. I can’t handle her jokes about me anymore, as if I need a slight push to fire.. that my uncle tried to calm me down, but of no use. I left the crowd and went to my cousine’s room.

Tomorrow is a new day, though I won’t be going to college no more 5alas.. bas yalla.. its matter of days always no matter how long.. and who knows.. I might have a job offer phone call tomorrow or something else..

And ah by the way.. I’ll wait another week before I’d call that person in charge for the dream job I talked about earlier. I’ll force myself to have a little bit more patience… for who really knows :)
Good night.. or morning.. you pick your pick and have fun..

Read more...

Just remembered a hit..

I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night
And still have danced some more
I could have spread my wings, and done a thousand things
Ive never done before

Ill never know what made it so exciting
But all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he, began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced, all night

From "My fair lady"
Sung by "Marni Nixon"

Read more...

Priorities, priorities..

Now that I’ve finished college and just graduated, WOW, I think I’m in bad need for a change. Change as in everything. Surroundings, people, habits even knowledge and education. I’ve applied for many jobs and just did 2 interviews, tell you.. both sucks! Simply because till now I haven’t clearly thought about my wishes and priorities.
You know lately, I’ve discovered that my English is horrible. It’s a matter of little vocabulary I play with and that’s all. Even the simplest of the simple phrases are messed up in my head. Measure on that my academic education, and my general knowledge. Mm.. let me say it loud.. I lost faith in me.

Yesterday at the interview the guy asked me what do I wish to work? And so I thought for a min.. “human to human relationships is the best”.. so I suddenly said “HR”.. tell me now.. what do I know about HR to believe it’s the best place for me?.. add to that, my bad need to learn how to deal with people in the 1st place..
And what If I can’t decide wither I like electronics or communications as working fields?!.. Don’t you think that I live a haphazard life??.
No, might not be that.. but a mis-used life thought, I guess..

I’m an average 22 years old girl who believes sometimes she’s going to be the center of the universe, yet nothing is shown yet. Was average in college, may be just below that according to my friend’s results. Not a brilliant somebody, don’t have “wasta” or special talents. So….

Today I’ve started remembering my French.. yaah! It’s been a while since I’ve lastly practiced that. “oui monsieur, comment ca va?”.. and as soon as I’d finish the current download, I’ll study CCNA as well in addition to reading “Al tadayun Al mankoos” by Fahmy Huawdy, as recommended by my friend Mokhtar El Azizi..
I’m planning to buy an mp3 player to listen to audio books and learn right pronunciation for different languages. Well I have little Spanish.. why not try to develop myself there too.. may be ask my brother and a relative of ours in German courses as well..
You know, I wish I can be that highly cultured girl I usually dream of.

BTW: for Al Sharif and JJ.. you made my day seeing you still around.. :) I always enjoy reading your comments with a wide smile upon my face… keep it up and shine on my virtual friends ;)

Blue is going somewhere instead…

Read more...

My mother, saw me that depressed.. SO she plucked a flower from our balcony.. a beautiful white with yellowish patches- flower.. and gave it to me..

Read more...

We won't forget

Lets open the Egyptian POWs files

Read more...