Expect respect...

I love this post by Hope..

Here are parts of what my son, who is an engineering sophomore in the States, told me in a recent phone call:

Our religion has good things in it, but people have reduced it to "this is haram, and this is haram". People are only interested in the rituals, and even those are performed without spirit, and they know nothing of religion beyond that. We have no morals and no ethics. We do not really value human beings, work or science, even if we say we do. That's the difference between us and them. That's why we are so backwards, we do not even have a clue!

We are all about how things look like, people put an act all the time. We are all about bragging about what we have and not what we are.

You know all the things you used to tell me over and over again.Well, I used to think why is my mom so different from all the others. But you know what, there are many people like you here. People who think that a car is good enough if it can take you from point A to point B.

Giving a dollar to the mosque instead of buying a coke, makes me feel good, and I am losing weight.

You've been telling me all these things all along, but I had to hear them from my Professor to get convinced!

I miss you, but I am glad I am here. I am learning new stuff everyday, and what I am learning is really interesting. I get a chance to do research too, and that's a real opportunity.

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Smile..

You sometimes smile, not for a reason, but you miss yourself while smiling. You smile for the smile's sack :)

You might be depressed, down or whatever, and you smile pitying yourself..
You smile for remembering a friend, a quotation or an incident.. listening to your song.. finishing a book.. reading a post.. or even seeing a beautiful something, and may be for the over beauty, you might find nothing is left for you to do but praise ALLAH and smile..

It might be one hot, or rainy day when you hate yourself the most, but meet a smile, a single smile that would turn the whole thing upside down..
You smile for a kid smiling,, or for dew on a morning flower.. or you smile for a quite breeze passed you by ..
Or may be you'd smile for something you thought of or wrote..

You’ll be smiling, and do not notice you are.. but once the people tell you how gorgeous you look like while smiling,,, you'll remember to smile always,,
then remind me to smile as well..

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Today

-- On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red
roses?
-- Will he offer me his mouth?
-- Yes

So it’s been this day for everything. YUP! . you know, somehow no matter how life went on rushing, or insanely fast or even slow. You still keep on searching for this tiny corner you’d find yourself sitting waiting for you to come on by and start to move on together again. Sometimes, a bar of choco would do, sometimes listening to your favorite CD or holding a book or talking to a friend or even gossiping about someone you like. Its just, as I always say, forget about the big things and focus on the small ones, these ones what really count.

-- Will he offer me his teeth?
-- Yes

Today morning was strange. Got to wake up really early for a college meeting to have a project brain storming. And so our meeting was around 9 then postponed to 10, while in fact I got out of my home reaching the place at 10. :D was about 1 hour behind. Anyways, luckily we found the sub-lecturer around to explain a little bit of what we’d to be doing, and un-expectedly we had some funny stuff going on from here and there. When it was our time to return back. Suddenly we thought of hanging out, and YES we did!

-- Will he offer me his Jews?
-- yes

I went with Bavalova and B. to some restaurant down town, where we ate in the street and even drunk some soft drinks near by a kiosk where we sat on the pavement in the middle of the road under the extremely burning sun, but it was hell fun. Fun to the extend we weren’t imagining. But somehow, sometimes you always need something, I won’t say wild, but may I say un-usual to your life. Something you don’t always do every now or then not for t he sake of anything but.. to steel some moments of enjoyment in your life..

-- will he offer me his Hunger?
-- yes

anyways, as I returned home I was like dead tired, and couldn’t help sleeping when,, when I got this phone call of my dear G. She asked to go out walking, when I said “what the hell, OK”
Some more minutes later we were down walking :D .. was fun still. I mean, we aren’t that very close friends to say, but we got some things in common after all. Even some friends. Actually –more than some- friends. We’ve been gossiping all day may be. Walking around 3 hours or so non-stop, and promised to meet again sooooon, but next time for the pooool.. lets just enjoy our time more and more *evil laugh*

-- Again, will he offer me his hunger?
-- YES
-- And will he starve
without me?
-- YES

Retuned back home, very late in fact, and tired as never before to discover I can’t even post this little something since no DSL around. Soo, I’ve watched TV. To my amazement there was this Arabic movie I’ve been told about a lot before but never saw it for real “el selm wl t3ban”. Can’t argue that is a nice *nice* movie, not that exceptionally beautiful something, or may be its been me who do not feel amazed with things quite easily as before. And could be me, who is not fond of romance as before. I mean, I was talking with someone some time ago and reached the conclusion that life is not always the life we think, and it will still be kept as a mystery, one day up and next down. And what makes it quite unique, is the one thing that made you up today might be the reason to make you down tomorrow.. I don’t know.. but like, like you want to eat something salty at a time so badly, but what after you eat it??… nothing after all
And that what G. confirmed to me today as well when she said a phrase, I do not believe I’d forget “love is an over rated feeling” .. and yeah, why not take this theory in practice??

Looks I’m going hallucinating, its been a tiring day, completely adorable, beautiful and energetic… its just our lives do not always allow us this self space.. but sooner or later.. sooner or later we’d feel the peace..

-- And does he love me?
-- Yes
-- Yes

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Quotes from the song “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth” – Meatloaf
And wonder why I ever did…

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:)

You can not see this logo and not smile..

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Today my heart feels extra sad…

Forget about people, forget about suffocating time and usual stress.. forget about the normal stupid talks or the random lame actions.. forget about the world’s politics or the internal corrupt..
I know the world would still keep turning and the sun would rise again from the east… but I can’t stop my heart from feeling sadness all thru..
Yesterday we had to give up on our flat to live in that new one that I still can’t love… and today.. my father will sell our car for a new wider one !!

I can still remember the day I opened our x-flat’s balcony, was about 4 or 5 years old, when I saw a small little red car under , my father was outside one door waving with one hand and peeping with the other… when my mother cuddled me in her warm arms and whispered “say hello to our new car..”.. we all were smiling then..
It shared… no.. ‘She’ shared a lot of beautiful memories… 1st time to go to school.. and even 1st day at college… our everyday ride to school with “eza3t el Quran” playing in the morning, and “El bernamg el mosiqi” while going back home!! You know that I loved radios because of that! … it was all about my fascination with the music played in the musical program that I urged my father to buy my 1st pocket radio.. then life went on..

We’ve called ‘her’ many names.. Sometimes “Zoba” according to the old song by Mahmoud Yassin “7elwa ya zoba” .. then changed it to “Batta”.. don’t remember the reason behind that one actually.. and there was “Za2zo2a” as well.. for how small the car looked like between other passing by cars along the way.. but we never cared for how small , beautiful or even modern the car was, as long as it shared our small family’s warmth and laughter’s..
Now…. It would be all gone and buried away except in our hearts..

I remember when we used to go to the beach with our uncles, we used to race who’ll be faster under 80 km/hr.. yeah!.. w enjoyed slow speeds.. it gave us more chance to cheer together!!!
And yeah, the day we had to drive my cousine before her wedding party… it was an extra cool experience peeping all thru the way… and yes I remember now my graduation party drive… now my brother won’t have it .. and his heart is breaking as much as I am, and may be even more..

So sad when you have to give up on what you like and claim its life!! You start by giving up things, then giving up places, people then traits … and at the end you find .. you’ve lost yourself in between..
How dull, stupid, awful and disgusting life is after all.. when I have to give up and forget in order to live.. !!

PS: father, So sorry if I strengthened a feeling towards you… but can’t forgive your new decisions.. can’t forgive you at all…

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A walk with a Country Waltz

Its been 3 days back to back listening to the same musical piece “Country waltz” .. and still can’t interpret how pure I feel.. as if, as if I’ve been touched by a sentimental angle all of a sudden!!
I’ve turned very sensitive lately; I’ve taken a lot of un-reasonable decisions; some passed by safely yet some left a crack inside. We’ve had a fight; we’ve left each other for a while. Friends turned their backs to each other, wore vague masks and mysterious identities. But life went on, as it will always do..After the storm and the clashing waves, the sea returns as peaceful as we’ve knew life long.. after the storm and the clashing waves, the skies looks as beautiful as if its her 1st time date with the greener earth, humming a silent melody that fills the air then fly all around the space invading our souls, and taking us to a far far better place we’ve never dreamt of before.
Friends do make up together again and fights settle to rest, only when.. Inner peace and beauty prevails.

I open my play list again, and set “country waltz” as the one and only song to hear all day long, only then I feel I’ve been touched by a sentimental angle and a heavenly melody invades my soul..

Peace

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Windmills of MY mind...

I had talk to blubber again, but as I sat on my PC, I found me changing the music to this song by "Jose Feliciano".. Somehow I feel, I have these windmills in my mind at the moment.. and yet, i have no clue.. .. wish YOU enjoy the music, the words and the enchanting voice of Feliciano..

round
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space

Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that you said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Is the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of a song
Half-remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
You were suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the colour of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

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feeling liking it today :) .. *Enjoy*

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.

Feelings, feelings
Like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never
Have you again in my heart.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.


Feelings...

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Blubbering out

Sometimes I think who to choose, someone who cares for you too much but you care for a little; or someone who cares a little but you care for too much?!
What a misery, sometimes I feel..

The day before today was super cool *the assessment center*, I made neat new friends from collage.. *actually I am making new friends these days like I never did before :S .. masha2 ALLAH* . Today as well was nice. I dropped a lecture to watch the conference’s audition, and though I didn’t catch it still *they were very late*, but I enjoyed my time having some good laughs with wonderful people. A pity they’ll graduate next year, may God bless them. :)

I was OK, most of the time, though visited by the above thought from time to time so I’d be absent minded sailing to far far away land. Could be the never land, and could be the place I’ve made to resort whenever I feel I want to leave the crowds.

However, nice time always flies, except for 3 things that really made me feel un-comfortable. I need to feel more confident. I need to believe I can make it myself, I am good –if not best-.. umm, why do I feel I’D never be the one!

It was a horrible feeling that I might lose something I posses because I am lower than someone else, while actually I know I am not, at least in other points!
Do I make any sense?!
Suddenly the lights went dim!
My feeling of possession! One big black dot I have.. and though I do not show, but I know deep down how hurted I feel when someone shares something so.. SO dear to my heart.. even if it’s a smile I reckon its mine.. even if it’s a laugh I know I was addressed with… even if, even if it was a hello I was waiting for day long :) ..

As if my misery is between 2 options, what I want and what I can get.. what I like and what I might like.. and the quest goes so on, so forth..

The 2^nd thing was when this stupid person started to make fun of me. Actually he wasn’t making fun of me, but was trying to be funny in a stupid way that pissed me off! None the less, the 3^rd thing was when I remembered.. “ah well, I got my mid-term exam tomorrow so I’d better leave the place and runnnn to continue my studies”
*no need to mention, I have to run now as well :S *

Tomorrow is the opening of the conference AT LAST! And all the memories I had through out the previous 7 month or so suddenly flashing in front of my eyes. Our 1^st meeting, our training days, mecca center, alaa’s laptop, photoshop, GMs, days in collage, the booth, the welcome, the flyers and banners, the poster I took from the college’s walls, the dropped lectures, the night chit chats, the life time friends I had, the new comers into my life, and the ones I strengthened my relation with though we’ve been there for some time..

As if, after all those months of work, we can finally lay down to sleep. We can finally have peace within. No need for the rush to get some signs from this or that. No need for waking up till very late doing an un-finished task. No need for fights and No need for broken hearts.

Saying “bye bye” to ACES 2006 .. with some tears covering joy, excitement and anxiety for the 3 coming days.
So hard to have someone dear going to leave, but much harder to see him leaving already …

Sometimes I re-think about my thought.. Sometimes I thank God, I have options to choose between still, although others got nothing to have.

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Thank U Bibo for the song :)

An Innocent man -- Billy Joel
Some people stay far away from the door
If there’s a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by
Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie
I know you’re only protecting yourself
I know you’re thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I’m not above
Making up for the love
You’ve been denying you could ever feel
I’m not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I’m only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before
Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it’s easier to hate
Than to wait anymore
I know you don’t want to hear what I say
I know you’re gonna keep turning away
But I’ve been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I’m not above going through it again
I’ve not above being cool for a while
If you’re cruel to me I’ll understand
Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you’d rather be a martyr tonight
That’s your decision
But I’m not below
Anybody I know
If there’s a chance of resurrecting a love
I’m not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began
Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I’m not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

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Feeling extremely low..

After yesterday’s talk with Bibo, I felt how ugly and un-fair life might be. I needed a 5 minuets confrontation with myself to discover I am fooling myself intentionally, then runny away in the same sequence waiting for the same fairy tale!

I never learn, and guess I won’t!!

The dream looks so beautiful from far away.. and even more beautiful from inside.. feeling extremely happy, may be walking on clouds, and may be wandering in a place never existed yet… knowing that someone out there…. mm

but then you’ll have to wake up as soon as you log off, because simply it was only a vision of a fake wish you prayed for, from all of your heart to be true,, but sadly it wasn’t and it will not..

So you end up stuck between what you wish for and what you have! Torn between what you want and what you should do!

Do I make sense..? does anyone listen..? does anyone understand?.. I wish not..

For eventually I know I’ll leave this to welcome my very own self again between the very same empty corners of my empty room. Having the same deadly thoughts spinning in my head. Hurting my heart sometimes, and cracking my soul the other times.. yet, the clock won’t stop ticking.. and the circle would never end..

May we have peace sometime.. may we reach where we wish..

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